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He asked me why i was so late
he was wearing a flowery hat
and
an apron around his waist
you're wearing an apron, i said
i know, he said
but he's not cooking i thought
how have you been anyway,
he asked as he opened his arms for a hug,
he gave good hugs
but he didn't listen to my answer
i'm trying to wrap up this guy who's been talking for ages

We got upstairs and
there was a guy talking into the mic
holding a Macbook in one hand
he squinted into the screen
and read
from the screen
he sounded bored
he was bored
a few people turned around
and acknowledged my arrival
with curious glances
and smiles
it was a writer's party
a sit down party
i was invited along because
there was people I had to meet
should meet
collab with maybe
a new project
something

i wasn't invited to dinner

As the night went on
i realised
something
these people
these writers
couldn't read
they
could not
retell
their stories
how beautifully tragic
they read

with
no
emotion
tripping over
lines which they had
(i assume)
carefully crafted
and it was dark and
i watched
and cringed
and listened
and smiled
and clapped quietly
when they were done

A couple
the girl wore
a dress and walking shoes
and i noticed that she had her shoes
propped up
next to my bag
there was a guy too
we were all sat at the back
and they whispered
through everyone

Kiwi chat (working draft)

I've been in New Zealand just over 4 months now. I love picking up on the words this small nation of people use. I've marked this post as a working draft because I'm still collecting the lingo.

First off, let me introduce some phrases which I like to use. It can be an exchange. Language change happens everyday. Pass it on!

- What's the chat? What's goin on? What's happening?
- Pal Friend. They don't really use this here. I'm bringing it here. Thank you to Glasgow for the influence.
- Wee shame Aw, that's a little bit unfortunate.
- Rubbish Not good.
- Ace Very good.

Kiwi chat, let's start with the basics:
- Choice
Used as an exclamation of appreciation, or to describe something that's really good
Those shoes are choice!

- Mean
Same as above. Really cool, good
I had a mean weekend eh!

- Sweet as! I like this one, sweet as... what??
1. Great,
I made you a cup of tea
Aw, sweet as!

2. No worries
How much do I owe you for petrol?
It's sweet as, don't worry!

- Adjective as 
You can pretty much use any adjective with 'as' for extra emphasis, to intensify the meaning
Yup, keen as
Oh mate, I'm sleepy as

- Eh
I've seen some funny spelling variations of  this. Some people spell it 'aye' but coming from Scotland, I'm just not buying it. They are big fans of building rapport here when chatting. This along with the rising intonation towards the end of phrases, i.e. sounds like they are asking questions the whole time but they're not (always).
Good party eh!

- Bro
Brother, friend, mate. Can be used for both sexes.
Sweet as, bro!

- Chur I've also seen this doubled up, chur chur
Cheers, thanks
Chur bro!

- Oh yup
An acknowledgement. Like, yes, yup, or oh yeah.
Oh yup!

- Yeh, nah, yeh...
Means yes. I think it's like a, oh I'm deciding, yeah go on, yeah.
Do you want a cup of tea?
Yea, nah, yeh...

- Yeh, nah
I'm not sure about that
Yeh, nah...

- Stink
Rubbish, or bad.
I just got soaked walking home
Oh stink!
I can't get use to this one. You'll hear like 40 year old men say this: Anywhere else in the world you wouldn't hear anyone over 4yrs old say this.

- Stink buzz
Rubbish chat, bad vibes
Oh, stink buzz!
I just heard this one for the first time the other night. I think it's horrendous.

- Dumb 
Stupid, rubbish
My flatmates won't let me get a cat
Oh dumb!
This is quite similar to stink, I can't get used to it.

Work chat

- Flick me a txt/ email
Send me a txt
Yup, just flick me a txt when you're ready
I'm not a fan of 'flick', flick me a txt- flick yourself a txt!

- Dominated 
Really busy, owned
I was dominated at work today, didn't finish til 8
Kiwis are always talking about how much they're being dominated. They love it.

Other

- Heaps- this is not exclusively NZ but they do use it excessively here
Lots, loads
I took heaps of photos last night

- Park
A parking space
I'm looking for a park, keep an eye out for a park

- Dairy
Corner shop, newsagent or convenience store

- Togs
Boardshorts, swim wear

- Jandals
Flip flops

I'll be listening out for more, or if you have any suggestions, send them my way!
Chur!

Oh hiyaz- a definition

Oh hiyaz came up in conversation today when I met up with Emma from re>publication. 

I struggled at the time to think up a formal definition but I got in touch with an old friend, Ginge, and together we came up with our interpretation of said phrase.  I wouldn't call ourselves pioneers but anything along those lines will do nicely.

Sheena MacSween

 "oh hiyaz / oh hiyas" (insert phonetics bit) this versatile phrase originated in Glasgow in 2005/2006 academic year. it really took off in 2007. and now has spread across the rest of Scotland, England and much of South America, Asia and New Zealand. Can be used as an informal greeting but more commonly used...
Sue Tsang 
I asked for a definition not a history...
Sue Tsang 
‎/o haɪja:z/
First heard in Glasgow circa 2006. Origins are unsure. Affiliated with ginge chigga/ wigga street gangs. Also entered the Madrileno vernacular briefly as 'oh HOLA!' Used as an exclamation of surprised- happy- appreciation.
Sheena MacSween 
examples. i just found a tenner on the street - "oh hiyaz!"
Sheena MacSween 
can also be used to congratulate someone - i just got a new job - oh hiyas!

• banter.